No one talks like that
I was reading a bit of good news this morning about the greenest cities in North America. But something kept bothering me.
“It comes as no surprise that the top performing regions are those that invest directly and indirectly in green roof infrastructure projects to create green space, mitigate storm-water run-off, improve air quality and moderate the urban heat island effect.”
Did you notice it, too? Here's another.
“Our goal is to help Boston residents and businesses save energy and money, and through collaborative efforts with our utility partners, Eversource and National Grid, we are creating a thriving, healthy and innovative Boston. I look forward to continuing these efforts for both our environment and residents.”
Is it just me?
"By capturing these efforts in the Scorecard we hope local leaders from cities of all sizes can learn best practices from each other and deliver the benefits of energy efficiency to their communities, such as a stronger economy and a cleaner environment.”
No one talks like that. These quotes (sic) read like buzzword bingo. It's a welcome story and I'm glad I read it, but it sound like it came from a can.
Or from an email, one that had been passed from stakeholder to stakeholder until the last red drop of humanity had been wrung from it.
Always read your words aloud. Write for the ear. If you have to contend with countless rounds of approval on content, so be it. But don't let the politics and bureacracy kill the language.
Why couldn't the first quote above read like this?
“The top regions are really taking their investment in green roofs seriously. They're creating green space, reducing the amount of storm-water going down the drain, cleaning the air and moderating the effect urban heat islands are having on our cities and our people.”
Yeah, it's a pinch longer. But you can hear someone saying it in a live interview. It sounds less like a script and more like a voice.
And sounding genuine is not just the job of copywriters and reporters. The C-level has to understand this, too. It's in the best interest of your organization, and of the people you serve, to sound be authentic at all times. Some touchpoints are more forgiving; your annual report, for example. But for the love of Pete, don't go out in public sounding like a robot.
Disagree? Suggestions? Hit me @TheoSchwinke.